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Coming out of a fog-Happy Birthday Joel

I have been in a spot the last couple weeks. I think the death of my Grandpa affected me more than I realized. I have been really withdrawn and kinda selfish. I know others understand, but I really don’t like being that way. I am not big on playing the victim, nor do I want to take advantage of people and use my grieving as an excuse.
I haven’t wanted to get up for my morning meeting, clean the house, or do much but veg in front of the TV. My house isn’t a complete disaster, but has the potential if I don’t stay up on it. I have let the dusting go and it has gotten a little cluttered, I don’t like it. That is my goal for this week; to get it back into top shape.
I had a good talk with Lisa last night. She always helps ground me. I am thankful for her and my other friends and family that understand me.

enough of the downer. Life is not at all bad, I am just in a space. I came to the realization that at the moment I am focused on taking care of myself, and am not very available for others. I need to get out of myself and all that other stuff will correct itself. I am cleaning the room and am going to take a big bag of clothes to the local indigent detox. They need the stuff a lot more than I do. I have plenty of good clothes. It is always a nice thing to see one of your shirts on someone who is getting their life together. Not that I ever say anything, cause the praise is not what it is about. It is more of the feeling of contributing to someone else’s life and making a difference.

Yesterday was a great day. I got to geek at Disneyland with my Sister. We had fun wandering the park, getting sunburnt (not on purpose) and getting caught up. That, and yelling at stupid drivers. I find it hard to understand how people function. We saw someone stop their car on the 5/55 carpool connector for no apparent reason, then later watched a guy want to get out of his car and fight someone for honking his horn because the first guy cut him off wanting to go straight from the left turn lane. I am amazed by people’s stupidity. Sometimes you just need to make the left turn, then come back. get a clue people. You are not that important that the rest of the world needs to stop cater to you.

I finished off the night at the Improv with Jenn. It was a much better night than the time before. “That Hemi Guy” John Repp was hilarious. I was almost crying. Of course, social stupidity was there also. People who can’t handle their liquor and try to upstage the comic bum me out. Luckily the comedians handled it well, though i thought one of the hecklers was going to pass out in his chair. I was kinda reminded of myself when I would drink and go places. I got to the point to where I was seldomly “Mildly Intoxicated” when I would go out and usually in a stupor for many events. I went to may rad shows, but a lot of them are still a blur. I do have ticket stubs, and know i was their but can’t tell you a lot about them.

Dog am I glad I am not like that anymore.

Speaking of that, someone who was inspriational in changing my life almost 13 years ago is celebrating an anniversary today. Hey Joel-WERD! Love you man!

Off to work. Time to laugh at the MySpace kids and be a geek.

Soundtrack: Jackie Go! from the album “Kinda’ Kinky” by Ursula 1000

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